Slow Me Down

I’m not sure which point I’d like to rewind to, but it would be a time where I was happy, doing well academically, and had a decent social life.  Why? Well, it’s not that right now is bad, but in a few short months I will be returning to my parent’s house to live with them. I am absolutely dreading it for a number of reasons.

1. They are so far from the university I attend. I will have to bus about 1 hour each way every day, and if I miss the bus, there will be problems. The bus doesn’t come around too often.
2. Need I explain that living on your own is just way more awesome than living with parents? It’s an incredibly hostile environment, full of stress and hatred.
3. My parents are extremely distracting people. I honestly think my grades will suffer. I like living with students because we don’t bother each other unless we have time to hang out.
4. My dear, dear mother… I could write a novel and a half on how much I dislike that woman at times. She’s nosy, prying, and treats me like a stupid child. I just want to be left alone.

Living with my family accounted for the worst years of my life and I’m terrified that when I move back, all my happiness will go away. I sometimes forget how unhappy I was, but I figure that if I spent those years as a suicidal alcoholic, something might be wrong. I am happy now – but terribly poor – and thanks to my upbringing, I tend to believe that money is worth more than happiness.

Anyways, enough of that sob story. School? I am certain that I’m going through a phase where I’m stressed out so I avoid doing the work I should be doing. Instead of studying and doing assignments this weekend, I opted to watch half a season of a silly drama. I also was a complete glutton and had a food-overdose. It’s imperative that I start taking better care of myself – academically, emotionally and physically. Such a feat doesn’t seem possible when I feel so alone, though.

I figure a to-do list will either scare me pantless or motivate me. Let’s find out.

• Clean room
• Grocery shopping
• Laundry
• CP212 assignment (due Jan 29/2010)
• GG258 assignment (due Jan 29/2010)
• Read for GG270 (~150 pages), GG260 (~80 pages), GG282 (~30 pages), CP212 (~40 pages)
• Pick out an article to evaluate, and then write a report on it (due Feb 3, 2010)

Well… I think I am pantless now, but at least I have an understanding of my priorities. Maybe I’ll get on some of that reading!

Until this year, the socioeconomic status of my peers was never of any concern or relevance to me, but lately, I’ve been seeing wealthy people everywhere. I have a rich roommate, and most of my class mates are rolling in trust funds, nice houses/clothes, etc. I have this bitterness festering inside me – I hate that they will never know what it’s like to struggle, or go without. Not only is all this money accessible to them because of their parents, but with their parent’s money they buy opportunities that further enable them, and open up more doors for them. It’s a whole cycle I will never be a part of.

I just hate that they will never know, or understand. I think I hate even more that they are all very nice people.